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Angry Gartman: “We Are Supposed To Believe The Bull Market Is Still Intact? Utter And Complete Nonsense”

Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog of happiness, can do better prognostication for you than Dennis Gartman. Like Gartman, he’s a friendly little guy, and he even looks like he could be family. However, Phil won’t be on duty for you until February. So, as I work on my first real article for the year, I thought I would provide some Gartman comedy to help ease you into the new year. I found some comic relief during my research today when I happened across an article by Gartman on Zero Hedge:

“World-renowned” commodity guru Dennis Gartman has published his first Gartman letter note for 2019, and not only is he more bearish than at any time in recent year, he is also angry. Very angry, specifically at the stupidity of “television business channels”

Gartman is not angry; he’s just hangry because he can’t make a call to save his lunch! Anyone who has read Gartman over the years or listened to him on television wonders how the man continues to support his double chin, unless he trades the opposite of his own advice.

As you know from my recent article, “The Roar of Stupidity is Now Deafening,” I’m not inclined to think much of “world renowned gurus;” however, I grew a little concerned upon reading the full article on ZH about the fact that Gartman has become “more bearish than at any time in recent year.” That kind of throws my whole 2019 doom and gloom into question because I usually consider Gartman a contrarian indicator.

It worries me when Gartman calls things my way. However, I rested comfortably in the knowledge that Gartman will flip on his “most bearish” position in a few days … because he always flips on any position he takes because they all prove wrong. When he flips, my calls for the year in upcoming articles will not suffer the distraction of his agreement. Since the guy is endlessly flipping head over heels, we should call him “Cartwheel Gartman.”

As was the case in my previous article that I just referenced, you may want to read Gartman’s note to investors before reading my lampooning of Gartman and then continue here in order to get the references.”

(This is going to be like shooting fish in a supermarket.)

According to Gartman in his first article of the year,

It is futile… and perhaps utterly stupid… to note the change for the year-to-date; indeed, we’ll not mark that change until this coming Monday when we’ve had three days of market movement to take into consideration.

Zero Hedge

Yeah, because three days to reveal the year’s trend is a lot less stupid.

As further comfort to my own prognostications, Gartman references lines in his article that he calls “Maginot lines.” This is a comfort because even he admits they are “wholly without merit.” It is a comfort because it gives hope he will rapidly change his views since they are unfounded by anything he has to offer.

Thank goodness he clarified the historic connection for his apparently dim readers because, for a moment, I thought his Maginot Line was a cargo shipping company whose overseas bookings he uses to gauge the economy. I thought, in other words, they might be something useful for gauging markets. I now know the term stands for a defense without merit, which is in keeping with Gartman’s defenses for all of his calls. Glad to see he’s not breaking with tradition in the new year.

Interesting, too, to see how Gartman gets his entertainment from watching dimwits on television just like I do:

We have found it almost comical how the television business channels have all touted … We were on FOX Business Monday and were asked our opinion….

I find those television business channels entertaining because of who is on them and what they say, too. They are especially comical on nights when Gartman is on. At least, we get our entertainment on the same channels. Now I will know when I am watching him that we are laughing together.

As usual, Gartman blusters about himself in the royal “we.” Good to know in unstable times that unstable people don’t change. Well, in another sense, Gartman changes all the time, but not in personality, just in his beliefs about what the market will do. Yet, surely he knows more than a bus driver.

On that note, it was interesting to learn, too, that this highly paid financial guru makes his market calls by using the CNN Fear & Greed index:

Because of the severely extended nature of this Index we have not recommend being short of equities…. Eventually… we hope… the CNN Fear & Greed Index will make its way toward 60 or 70 and we’ll become manifestly bearish.

Personally, I prefer to use my car’s speedometer to determine when I should become manifestly bearish. I find CNN to be less reliable than … well … even the news media. But that’s why he makes the big bucks

You have to admire, too, the style of this millionaire who decides to go it alone without the cost of a hired editor for his company’s advisory publications: (My excuse, I cannot afford an editor.)

One had but has proven truly ephemeral and hence we are neutral of shares. [Or this little gem:] This we found lacking; today’s weakness makes that “lacking” lack even worse.

Got it. I think. Do I? I don’t know.

If nothing else, I admire Gartman’s confidence in advising others and his decisive nature, unlike how I just felt when trying to read him:

We’ll move bearishly… then… and we’ve the very luxury of being patient but in being patient have we missed our opportunity? That is indeed the question?

Indeed.

Gotta like a financial advisor who lets you know up front that he enjoys the luxury of missing opportunities for you and questions whether he has already done so. Gartman is, at least, honest to a fault, but the faults are large enough that trying to cover them wouldn’t work anyway. So, I guess he doesn’t have much choice.

So, you can watch television and gain this kind of economic wisdom for free (and get what you pay for) or … well … read here where you certainly can’t do any worse!

Now back to working on my first subscriber-only article, which lays out the many major headwinds that the economy will be bucking this year. In the meantime, hopefully reading this article made your own new year a little happier already.

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